I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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