Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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