paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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