after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
