My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
