did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Randomize
