dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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