He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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