Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
