Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Brb crying the tears of my youth
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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