it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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