So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
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