on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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