They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
