I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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