Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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