My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
