at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
