I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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