Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
