Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize