I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
