I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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