Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
