My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Randomize
