he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I smell like Dick and happiness
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