Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
