Soap is not a condiment
dude i'm inner monologue high
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
