maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Randomize
