In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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