so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
