she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
