I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Randomize
