very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
