Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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