The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
