Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
