I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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