Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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