4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
