Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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