It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Randomize
