I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
