1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
