The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
