literally had 100 drinks last night.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
