I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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