singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
