Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
