Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize