I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
