dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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