you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
