Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
