Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
