it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
