Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Randomize
