I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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