im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
