The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
In other news, I just burned my penis
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
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