She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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