I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
