My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
soo... how was my night?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
