Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
