When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
