pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
