I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
