I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
