And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
FUCK WHALES
Randomize
