my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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