Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
