It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
