we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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