How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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