you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
sarcasm needs its own font
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
