After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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