well you can't waste a boner
The best revenge is premature balding
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
