If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
